I feel stuck but I'm sure that it's only temporary :))

Hellouuuu my dear readers ;))

Where do I begin? What do I write? I'm enjoying this weekend and next week I'm on vacation so I look forward to write some poetry. I hope I can get inspired to write some prose. I have a bit of doubts ... but we'll see. I just have to keep going.

I really do want to make my living with poetry:

• share my poetry with the world
• inspire other people with poery
• open up a new area in poetry (poems about hearing, deafness, sign language, etc.)
• give poetry readings (here and abroad)
• meet my readers
• meet my cocreators ;)
• travel around the world and inspire and share
• write more and publish a few books

Why not? I know I do already have a job and it's going but you know, I'd love to do that but I'm also grateful for my current job except that I don't really give the impression that I am. I mean I am really lucky to have so wonderful work colleagues but somehow deep inside my heart, I am longing to have my independet live, to be my own boss, to make my dream come true BUT, I mean I am sure and I do believe that it can happen, I only hope that my work mates will understand that, if I ever happen to make it come true.

p.s. that was my hand when I was at hospital some time in March, when I had my 2nd hearing loss .. :)

I only need a few more poems until I reached the 400 mark, isn't that great?? Yeah I know it's not about quantity but I cannot help myself. I get addicted to poetry writing the more I write :)) and yes I am a prolific poetry writer!! I made it a routine to try to write every day and most of the time it works.. :) hm .. let's see. At the moment I feel stuck. I think I was working hard on writing poetry about hearing and this things that I don't feel inspired at the moment... hm... let's see if I cannot write about that, why not trying out something else, friendship? children?

by the way, I forgot to share. Remember when I told you that there was this poetry contest?? Remember? I'm not sure if I already have told you but if not I'll tell you now. I made it to the third place of the peotry contest and a poetry collection with some poems from each of the participants will come out in November!! YEAH awesome. I'm going to see some of my poems in PRINT!!! :O WOW!! I cannot believe that this is really possible and that it's going to happen. My God, I've been writing poetry for a bit more than a year. I started end of April 2009, but officially May 1st when I made it a goal for the 100 day challenge! WOW people so much has changed since then SO MUCH!!! I really love poetry and cannot imagine not to write anymore. I keep reading poetry everywhere, on the net, from poetry books, everywhere and try to write myself some. I came so far, wow I'm so speechless that I crossed my hands when I had that thought.

What is more unusual is that I've been writing in English, which is not my mother language at all but somehow I feel I can express myself better in that langauge and the English language is so rich in words that I can always find a word to express my feelings in a poem.

I love poetry!!! I also love the fact that some people already asked me for help with their poetry & non-poetry writing projects, imagine that. I don't even feel like I'm skilled *lol* that I can give them professional help but I love the fact that they want MY help or my OPINION! that's sweet and I'll do my best to help them :))) I don't really feel that I'm an expert in my field but it makes me happy! I'm just me, not much different than you! :)))

Anyway, I'll end this blog here. It's already long... sorry I had so much to write :) I might write some more tonight :) Let's see if I can get a poem tonight!

C'mon Sandra, you can do it, just believe and get inspired!!

Thanks for reading! (leave me some comments if you want and I'm sorry for any typos, .. will check it later, I don't have much time to do that right now) :)

Poetry | Rhymes | & Books :)))

Hellouuuu! Alright it's very late already... but I want to share with you a few things ...


A friend of mine from ccor sent me this book a few days ago. Isn't that sweet of her?? :)) Inside the letter found letter from her. Awee she was so sweet! I just have to share that because it was kind. She ordered the book twice by mistake and asked who wants to have it, she'll sent it and I was the first who responded and she sent it to me. Isn't that amazing how the ccor friendship has grown so close. I mean we are a big but yet a little group of people and I've met some amazing people there. So I'd like to say thank you to Lilou, Laura and Sandy for this group!! It's more then two years since I've joined this online community yeah wow, so much has changed since then :))
and I found this one too in my inbox.. so I am reading two books at the same time, so funny *lol* but it's good! btw, I'll get two more books next weekend so I'll be busy reading! :) that's good! I need to distract my mind and just find something that will keep my mind focused. It's been 3 days since I wrote my last poem, yeah a very long time I know *lol* shhh... ;) I'm used to write every day so I felt really strange. I began to have doubts and thought okay, what if my writing "career" comes to an end?? what then? but then I started flipping though the pages of this book and read that he writes about different things, so if i do not feel inspired to write about my hearing then it's time to move on to another topic... so in the end I was inspired to write that poem that you've heard at the begining. "what more can I give" =)


This evening I was reading my brother this story in German, it's a Christmas story so not really suitable for this time of the year but he wanted me to read this one and I liked it too. I like that the story is all in rhymes from A-Z. =) At least by now you should know that I love poetry =) in English just like in German. I still wonder why I don't write German poetry, somehow I like more to write in English and I feel the English language is rich in words, you can always find a word to rhyme with what you want to say or to express. So I think I'll stick with that language for a while :)))
I hope you enjoyed reading this. It's time to go to bed... This was my compensation for not writing regularly :) will try to write more next week. There's a lot more but I think it's enough now ;) Thanks for reading!

Poetry contest | result: 3rd place =)))

yeah!! I'm so fuckin tired... :) but I wanted to let you know that I got to know the results form the contest!! If I don't write today, I doubt I'll do it tomorrow. I'll keep it short. Today I heard on fb that I am one of the 7 runner-ups :)) not bad!! I'm so proud of what I have achieved!! See why I didn't tell thís anyone when I first started writing poetry? I wanted to do it in secret, writing is a private act, after all! it's not something that you can share with everyone! However if I hadn't done that challenge season 3 I think or 4 I am not sure, I lost track :) I wouln't be here. You all have helped me to get there by giving me encouragement. I started to do it as a hobby first and I liked it a lot. Somehow all this fell into place!! :O I always knew that I wanted to write a book but I didn't know that this would be a "poetry book" :))

I'll try not to get too excited and spoiled I must work hard and keep that pace and keep going. I'm not done yet. I still got to write a lot :) I just don't feel ispired to write today and I feel I already wrote too much about my hearing issue that it must be really boring to always read poems that always rhyme with the same words "sound", "around", "deaf-profound" wow can I be a bit more creative? hm, maybe it's time to choose another topic but I must write a few more positive poems about that, as the past few that I wrote were not so happy .... (-.-) I don't want those poems to be the last... :) Let's see what the next few days will bring!

so that was my "short" blog post for day. Must go to bed very soon. It's already midnight (-.-) and I didn't even write another poem.. *lol* I know, a break is good too, I don't need to exaggerate it but even if the poem isn't always happy it makes me happy when I can write it all down. ok i must go now, .... until tomorrow =)

Thanks for reading!

pls excuse me if you spotted some typos here or in my past few posts, I'm very tired right now but I'll check it over the weekend :)

Can't think of anything to write

I can't think of anything to write today and I already feel very tired (-.-)

I'll try to be more creative tomorrow. Although there a few things to share about my hearing proress but I'm tired sorry... ok I'll try to keep it short. I constanly hear strange sounds and it's not one of those sounds that I have to learn what it is... I hear sometimes a silent beep 4-5 times and it's not the batteries I just changed them yesterday and they should be changed every 3 days.. so this can't be because of the batteries.... I fear that something is wrong with my processor... I'm not sure. I'll try to keep a record of those things and report it to my audiologist. I just had a mapping yesterday and how comes I hear those sounds and there's also another hissing sound that I hear from time to time. When I come close to my keyboard I can hear how loud my laptop is WOW :O or when I put my phone close to my ear it makes this hissing noise too. I doubt that I'll be able to do phone calls with my new phone (-.-) so anyway, that was basically what happened today. AND =) I wasn't in silence, I couldn't resist the tempation to hear again so I changed batteries and wore it. Only for a short while this afternoon I took the processor off my hear but otherwise I do wear it all the time.

I'll write soon! Thanks for reading

My muse is hiding

Hi there! Finally another blog... yeah!! I wanted to write but I always got distracted by other things... it was easier when I had not internet access a few weeks ago *lol*. I fell asleep a few hours ago without the intention and now I'm so FULLY AWAKE that I tought to write a bit in the hope that I'll get tired... :) I haven't written any poetry since I don't know?? I tired to write some here and there and then I had troubles with my USB and I lost some of my poems. Luckily I got them back except one "about this one song I've been listening to" which inspired me. Never mind... it's sad though and it makes me angry that I can't remember the words anymore of my poem agrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!! When things like that happen you are smarter. I still need to backup my files and print them out (-.-).

Anyway, I just don't feel like writing at all... I don't have inspiration ... I know it will come back I just need a break. Apart from that... I'll try to make it short, it's late and I'm trying to fall asleep but it's not really working... so anyway, i still have problems with the phone but my colleagues they tell me that it will be better after the surgery but what if it doesn't? oh yeah those "what-if questions" ;) but what if I don't get the result I wanted?? It's hard ... I mean most of the time I figure out who called by looking up the number in the online telephone book wow thanks for the internet otherwise I'd be screwed up .... (-.-) Today, I mean yesterday I had a woman on the phone and I couldn't hear her name and I asked three times and then she was like "is this the company xy?" why does she think it's not only because I didn't hear her...? SIGH it's really frustrating.... and now that we have real summer weather (finally) it's also very hot in the office and we do have an air conditioner or this thing that's blowing cold air but it doesn't feel like it's helping and because of this machine it is loud for me when I have to do phone calls. They said they can switch it off if I want that and I said oh no it's okay.

I hope I'll finish this blog soon but I'll post it for now so you don't have to wait for so long to read sth. new from me ;)

And the good weather goes on

First of all. You have noticed that I put on most of my pictures a kind of watermark and you maybe ask yourself why? Hm, well. If you e.g. came across my site by accident and like some of my posts / pictures and show it to friends you can immediately see where the pictures comes from. Does it make sense? Sometimes pictures are reposted so this you can tell where it comes from. Does it make sense? You know what I mean. So anyway,...

I had a fabulous day today!!! It's sunny again yeah!!! I had to retrieve some of my poems because my "USB" didn't want to work all of a sudden and it scared the hell out of me but luckily I did get back most of my poems only one is lost forever. I cannot recall how it goes.... darn it but everything else is back so phew.... I must be smart and print out my poems as soon as I have them. A few weeks ago I couldn't even do that because nothing worked, neither my laptop nor my printer. Phew what a story anyhow I had a fantastic day today. Unfortunately tomorrow it will rain.

Anyway, thanks for reading! Maybe you'll hear from me again tonight ;)

Enjoying the sunshine

Guess where I am today?? It is so beautiful today that I decided to go out for a little ride and came here. On my way here, I stopped by at my friend’s coffee shop and chatted with my friend who’s working there. Today it’s such a sunny day that I couldn’t resist to come here.

It’s been raining for the past few days that I could only stay inside but today it is finally warm. This warm weather won’t last for long so I will enjoy it today. I wanted to be a bit alone and have a bit time for myself. It’s not that I don’t have that time but I just need at least an hour or so for myself then I will give all of my attention to the rest of the family. It’s very sunny.

I love this place and gosh, I really missed to write into my diary. I wasn’t able to do that as I always got distracted and I was procrastinating and somehow I didn’t feel this drive but I got it back. I think it’s important to take a few minutes off from everything else and take a few notes. Later when I get older and read back all those memories, I’ll be very glad I did that.

There's actually more but I feel sooooo awfully tired that I'll stop here and hopefully write more tomorrow. Goodnight! :)

P.S. I didn't do any poetry writing today. I didn't feel inspired enough but it's okay. Tomorrow is another day where I can try ;)

Thought-provoking poetry

Hi my lovely readers! Yes that's me on the picture but it's an old one ;P I wrote this poem a while ago. It's about me doing phone calls and not understanding the people on the other line. It makes me pretty pissed when that happens and it does happen very often (-.-)

It's more from the other perspective. I just feel so pissed.... I feel a bit better but still inside I'm on 180° lol. I really do hope that later after the surgery things will get better with phone calls but you know where my heart wants to go. In the meantime I will do what I have to do and somehow everything will fall into place, I just need to have faith although I lack this...

It makes me very, very upset, when I don't hear the other person on the phone. Sometime I do hear them but there are times when I don't and those times are bigger... well it's hard to explain to an outsider how I hear and why sometimes it works and other times it doesn't... I'm sick of all this I swear!!!! But okay, I need to give the surgery a chance and my company too because they are patient with me although they still want me to do my job well. I owe it to them, that's right but I feel very unhappy with my current situation... I'll just try to bitch less about it and just be silent and wait for day ZERO when my surgery will take place. Gosh, this waiting time is really driving me crazy. I will be glad when all this is over!!!

How did you all spend your last 40 days with your own natural hearing? Or were you just too busy that the waiting time passed by very fast? I am nervous and I felt horrible in the past few weeks. I feel I'm alone with all those worries and fears and problems (which might seem little to an outsider) .. and I have this ringing in my ear which isn't so bad as I do hear again so it's not that distracting but if I didn't hear anything at all it would drive me crazy.. I need to fill out the questionnaire about my surgery and get informed about the anesthesia and go to hospital so they can tell me all about it. I need to do that a few weeks before the surgery, so I need to do that very soon. I was procrastinating with that. .

Anyway, tomorrow I'm working and then I have another two days off :) I hope the weather will be nice so that I can go outside and do some writing outside. It's been raining for weeks it's really annoying me.... I want some sunshine damn in!!!

I did it!!!

I'm sorry my dear readers that I wasn't much active here in the past few days. The poetry writing was so time-consuming but I wanted to get this done before the end of this month.

I'm finally done with all the poems!!!! Oh my God!! I'm so happy!!! Aaaa!!! Phew.. what a week. I wonder why I was so productive, was it because of this poetry contest or just because after almost a year of poetry writing I have already developed a routine and this creativity which I have right just starts to flow. I don't have much to do much, it's like magic. I have this content feeling that I will come up with a poem every day and it really happens. I have this confidence that every day I will come up with at least one poem. It all falls into place. Wow, this was a really creative month. I've never written so much in three weeks and I still have one more week to go before I should start to do the finals and submit the poems for the contest.

I didn't have much to do with the writing. All of a sudden it was there! I cannot explain it to you but it really feels like magic and it feels good! No it's not like magic, I'm finally ONE with my inner self! Of course, there were times when I would just stare and then after some time I'd start to write. Sometimes I'd write only a few lines and move on to the next when I see that the current one doesn't lead me anywhere. Then the next day I'd use the one from yesterday and finish it. I am really happy when I can be this productive and do something that I like to do. Here's one of my short poems, that fits in here perfectly:

How do I write all this
I have no idea.
Every day I keep writing
and still have this fear.
Every day I go on
and write another line.
The poem takes shape
and turns out to be fine!!

This feels GOOD!!!! :) I think, next month I'll write less than what I did this month and just take it easy, if inspiration flows I'll go with the flow if not that's fine!! I won't beat myself up as I know that I can do it!! If not today, well then there's another day waiting to give it a try.

Courage means to try it tomorrow!!

I'll be posting regularly. I just had to do that and now I can devote my time to you and keep you updated on all the other things with hearing etc.

Here's a poem that I really do like! check it out! I found it on the internet. See above:

Thanks for reading! Have a nice rest-weekend!