I was frustrated .... now I feel sort of ok

December 14, 2010

I'm so frustrated.... I didn't want this blog to be negative but I'm so filled with negativity... I wrote this post thismorning but I had some problems with my computer and had to restart my computer... so I lost the blog because I didn't save it as a draft damn it .. so many things are going wrong this week... that everything makes me angry!!! I need to let out of this anger steam inside me! Not sure how... I'll try it.

Apart from that what is going on? hm. I'm running a bit late with sending Christmas cards to relatives and friends.. but there's time. I still have a bit more than a week before Christmas. Some will receive it in time others after New Year :)

December 16, 2010

I'm glad that I didn't post it but now that I have it saved as draft I'll post it nonetheless... it's just a testimony of my feelings and that day I just wasn't feeling well. I still feel weird and awfully tired. My sleep is soooo messed-up that I tend to sleep 4-5 hours daily ... (O_o) Last night I slept very, very little that I already notice the withdrawal symptoms... but I wrote some poems to kill the time and it helped. At least I did something useful with my time,... he's a short blog. I have to finish writing Christmas cards to my family to send it off. They will probably get it after Christmas because the mail will take much longer as it's this time of the year.

Thanks for everyone's support! I really appreciate it from you all!

I plan to make a new season next year, I just haven't set a date but I'm sure some of you might want to do a new too? if yes please let me know! I need to focus on how I want to create my life, the way I want it to be!! :)

Will write soon!

P.s. I'm still excited to get my free copy "Poetry Pieces of Europe" per mail. It should arrive before Christmas if all goes well with the postage :) I'm excited! I'll make a video when I get it wohoo!! :)

What should I write?? ∆ Too much anger inside me ∆

Post from Dec 13, 2010

I'm not sure what to write anymore and you guys are so silent lately *lol* :) but it's okay, I don't mind. I was silent too LOL :)

I had a tough week and the past few weeks were a bit strange. I mean I am doing well. I found a few man in my life and he is really amazing and our relationship is doing well. I really like him and we seem to get along very well.

However a few things just kept me down in the past few days that I simply don't know what to do to stay positive. There is just so much hate inside me that it's really hard... there's so much hate and pain that it's really hurting me.. It's difficult and complicated.

The good thing from this misery that I think I am in (maybe I'm not) anyhow.. from all this I can write some good dark poetry. It definitely isn't nice but it is poetry and I'm sure some people might find it appealing.. I don't know. At least I still keep writing and it is going somehow. I love to do it. I don't see it as a chore. I'm more delighted when I can write. It still makes me say "wow" it's still possible after almost a year still wow.. you know? :) I love it!!

I don't know what next year will bring and how it will turn out but I hope I can write some more. I want to enjoy this creative flow a bit longer and I hope it will last forever :)

Thank you for reading! I'll stop here because I need to get some sleep. I'm supposed to be in the city at 9 AM :)

Sandra

I feel stuck but I'm sure that it's only temporary :))

Hellouuuu my dear readers ;))

Where do I begin? What do I write? I'm enjoying this weekend and next week I'm on vacation so I look forward to write some poetry. I hope I can get inspired to write some prose. I have a bit of doubts ... but we'll see. I just have to keep going.

I really do want to make my living with poetry:

• share my poetry with the world
• inspire other people with poery
• open up a new area in poetry (poems about hearing, deafness, sign language, etc.)
• give poetry readings (here and abroad)
• meet my readers
• meet my cocreators ;)
• travel around the world and inspire and share
• write more and publish a few books

Why not? I know I do already have a job and it's going but you know, I'd love to do that but I'm also grateful for my current job except that I don't really give the impression that I am. I mean I am really lucky to have so wonderful work colleagues but somehow deep inside my heart, I am longing to have my independet live, to be my own boss, to make my dream come true BUT, I mean I am sure and I do believe that it can happen, I only hope that my work mates will understand that, if I ever happen to make it come true.

p.s. that was my hand when I was at hospital some time in March, when I had my 2nd hearing loss .. :)

I only need a few more poems until I reached the 400 mark, isn't that great?? Yeah I know it's not about quantity but I cannot help myself. I get addicted to poetry writing the more I write :)) and yes I am a prolific poetry writer!! I made it a routine to try to write every day and most of the time it works.. :) hm .. let's see. At the moment I feel stuck. I think I was working hard on writing poetry about hearing and this things that I don't feel inspired at the moment... hm... let's see if I cannot write about that, why not trying out something else, friendship? children?

by the way, I forgot to share. Remember when I told you that there was this poetry contest?? Remember? I'm not sure if I already have told you but if not I'll tell you now. I made it to the third place of the peotry contest and a poetry collection with some poems from each of the participants will come out in November!! YEAH awesome. I'm going to see some of my poems in PRINT!!! :O WOW!! I cannot believe that this is really possible and that it's going to happen. My God, I've been writing poetry for a bit more than a year. I started end of April 2009, but officially May 1st when I made it a goal for the 100 day challenge! WOW people so much has changed since then SO MUCH!!! I really love poetry and cannot imagine not to write anymore. I keep reading poetry everywhere, on the net, from poetry books, everywhere and try to write myself some. I came so far, wow I'm so speechless that I crossed my hands when I had that thought.

What is more unusual is that I've been writing in English, which is not my mother language at all but somehow I feel I can express myself better in that langauge and the English language is so rich in words that I can always find a word to express my feelings in a poem.

I love poetry!!! I also love the fact that some people already asked me for help with their poetry & non-poetry writing projects, imagine that. I don't even feel like I'm skilled *lol* that I can give them professional help but I love the fact that they want MY help or my OPINION! that's sweet and I'll do my best to help them :))) I don't really feel that I'm an expert in my field but it makes me happy! I'm just me, not much different than you! :)))

Anyway, I'll end this blog here. It's already long... sorry I had so much to write :) I might write some more tonight :) Let's see if I can get a poem tonight!

C'mon Sandra, you can do it, just believe and get inspired!!

Thanks for reading! (leave me some comments if you want and I'm sorry for any typos, .. will check it later, I don't have much time to do that right now) :)